I have no idea what I'm doing
by McNya
Summary: YAOI. Some thought of unrequited feelings are requited after all.
1. Inexperienced

**THIS IS MY FIRST YAOI SO CRUSH ME IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT AND TELL ME HOW I CAN IMPROVE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. I LIKE THE CRITISISM. ALSO, SORRY IT IS SO LONG, I JUST SHIP IT SO MUCH I WANTED A LONG STORY. I HOPE YOU GET THROUGHT IT AND YOU DON'T GET BORED. – McNya**

**. . . . .**

**The dots are the change in the point of view, not that I doubt your intelligence but just as a friendly reminder.**

**. . . . .**

Kagami had never thought of Kuroko as a friend, it was only until they moved forward and became the duo that they were now that he had even really thought about it. Until now he always thought of himself as a 'one man band' and that is all he would ever need, especially to catch up to those shit heads that call themselves 'the generation of miracles'.

"Kagami-kun, you shouldn't look so serious all of the time." Kuroko said in his hushed, cool voice.

This is the millionth time they have walked home together and one too many when he thought about it. They didn't have much in common besides the fact they both love basketball and dislike the way all the member of the generation of miracles functioned. They walked through the chilly air the same as they did nearly every day, silently while occasionally glancing at each other or making small talk about what they'll do. However, every so often the small boy would glance at the giant by the side of him when he _thought_ he didn't notice.

"You're small but you're not in a blind spot or anything" Kagami said still looking forward "can you stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" Kuroko was the type to play dumb and he was not fond of it, his mood heated and his anger was never tamed easily. Kagami stopped suddenly allowing Kuroko to walk forward a few steps before he realised.

"YOU KNOW WHAT!" he yelled too aggressively for the situation.

"Sorry but I really don't" he said in his cool voice and collected poker face, he hated how he never knew what he was thinking.

Kagami looked down on to the pavement and kept walking, Kuroko, like always following closely behind.

"Just stop glancing at me like that, you know what I am talking about"

"Sorry".

Then only silence, they always got near Kuroko's house first and so they started to depart.

"I'll see you in class tomorrow then" Kagami said as the corner where they broke off was near.

"Yes, I shall, although-"

"You have to come in to school and practice, no point trying to get a day off. I know she was tough on us-"

"I never do I was just wondering if you would like to accompany me" his eyes fell to the floor so his expression was hidden.

"Why?" Kagami stood on the pavement confused. Kuroko had never asked that of anyone before and certainly not him even though, despite himself he was pretty close to him.

"My parents will be out and I like the company. Number two is with Riko because she wanted him for a little while."

Kagami was a bit shocked for a second there, Kuroko looked, well a bit more human? He was always like a robot and never showed emotions. He knows he has them, obviously but they come out in little bits at a time. A light blush came to his cheeks and Kagami took a little pity in that. It must've taken all his strength to ask him.

"If you really want me to" he said in his cool manor.

A happier faced graced Kuroko's face and a little butterfly in Kogami's stomach, although he pushed it aside as nothing more than hunger.

Kuroko's house was just as Kogami pictured it, neat, sweet smelling, and simple but actually well decorated. He took off his shoes at the entrance and pretty much made himself at home walking in to the kitchen to cook.

"Wow" he looked in to the fridge and he had never seen such a good variety of foods. He could really cook up a storm.

"My parents are going for a little while so they stocked up, help yourself."

As Kogami cooked he could feel Kuroko's gaze on him and he couldn't shake some intense feeling coming off him. 

**. . . . .**

Kuroko always had a knack for being able to think whatever he wanted and no one would ever know what he was thinking. He watch Kagami cook and admired him greatly. Not just as a player but as a person off the court. Although being his new light gave him a whole new appreciation of him that he never had for Aomine-kun. He enjoyed his company, his voice, habits, hot tempered personality and all round found him a very attractive person.

_I don't think this was a good idea now. _Kuroko was working his way to thinking how Kogami could maybe see him in the way he saw him? If only a little bit. He'd had a few feelings for Kise but nothing as strong as he developed for Kogami and had never acted upon them before. He must have been the first person to come to his house besides the time Momoi-san had invited herself.

_I don't think I can do this after all now that I think about it. He's just too, manly, I guess to ever see me in the way I see him and even if he did what would I do then just recklessly telling him about how I feel? I can't even think this through logically. _

He has his heart set on telling him tonight and it would be his only night. Sure he could tell him any time but he really want to make, a pass on him, even just the once. It may ruin friendship but it would never ruin their basketball together, that is assured. Hopefully Kogami would let him down easy if he just couldn't have that kind of relationship with him. 

**. . . . .**

A few more moments passed and Kagami could hear Kuroko get up and walk towards him.

"Have no fear, this food is in good hands. I am sure that cooking is not necessarily your strong suit or at least for the variety I am cooking up, it won't be long just take and seat." He turned around to wonder what was up with him. "Why do you have stand so close" he turned to look down on him. "You really should stop doing that."

Kuroko was just standing there, looking at him with that poker face. For a few seconds he was lost in those eyes that were like pools of the bluest ocean, someone could really get loose themselves looking in to them. 

**. . . . .**

_Okay, now is your chance. 3, 2, 1 – _Kuroko suddenly grabbed Kagami by his apron and pulled the overly tall highschooler towards him in to a light kiss. Just a simple one and even though his action was rough the kiss wasn't, it was slight and meaningful. He suddenly got a little ahead of himself and pressed a little harder. Kagami wasn't pulling back but then again he wasn't doing anything. After a few more seconds he pulled away and looked down at the floor, he was sure his face would have been completely red.

"I'm sorry" was the only words he could muster in his embrassment and muddled up feelings. _Why didn't he pull away? Why isn't he saying anything? Is he shocked? Didn't he mind?_

He finally raised his head in a desperate attempt to get all of his feelings out at once and fast otherwise he would just dissapear in to the house, let Kagami leave and never say anthing more about it.

"I'm sorry I just thought it was the fastest way to show you how I feel. I'm not good with words but I really, truly think you're an amazing person but I feel like I want more from our relaionship. I know, for one I am a guy and you're kind of in a relationship of your own with Basketball but I find that I like you so much more."

He looked in to Kogami's eyes and for once with the exression on his face he couldn't tell what _he _ was thinking.

**. . . . .**

As Kagami was pulled towards Kuroko's soft lips he just didn't know what to do. Part was to pull away and the other to just go with it. Despite being a dude he just stayed there, still. Trying to work out if he liked it or not and as Kuroko pulled away, he felt a little bit sad? Maybe when he but he was still all confused and had no experience on the whole ordeal. He stood there waiting for something to be said but Kuroko just bowed his head and looked to the floor.

"I'm sorry" his words faint. _Idiot, you've got nothing to be sorry for. You're braver than most people and it's not like it wasn't enjoyable in the end. _Was what he was thinking but the words didn't come out. He wasn't being soothing here, Kuroko lifted his head and upon looking at his expression he was kind of sad or in a way deserpate to explain himself but he didn't need to. Kogami's face gave no idication of his feelings though.

"I'm sorry I just thought it was the fastest way to show you how I feel. _Well you sure showed me, didn't you? You're quite reckless in this sort of thing, I would never expect it from you. _

"I'm not good with words but I really, truly think you're an amazing person but I feel like I want more from our relaionship." _Really? I just though you kind of tolerated me. I know about the whole 'me being you're new light' but I never though you liked me that much until now. _

"I know, for one I am a guy and you're kind of in a relationship of your own with Basketball but I find that I like you so much more." He giggled to himself in his head. _'Married to basketball' that's one way to put it but I've never really been approached by anyone before. Maybe because I was foreign or because I was scary, probably my eyebrows. _In these few seconds they both just stared at eachother with quite the intense gaze.

"Kuroko I," he was suddenly interrupted by his small voice.

"I know and you can leave if you want to, I just want to get it off my chest. Don't let this interupt our being team mates, that would truly break my heart. You can leave if you want to and I will not mention it again I just-"

"No, I was just going to say let me serve the food and then I will discuss this with you. I don't want it to burn or anything." He said with an awkward smile across his lips.

They sat and ate quetly for a time, a defening silence fell between them but their mind were beyond quieting for even a second. Kagami was focused on the fact that he didn't know what he was feeling. He didn't know if he could put these feelings together to be romantic but he knew deep down that they were. The silence was weighing heavy on him and so he finished quickly. Kuroko a couple minuets after probably with the same awkward tension on him.

In that time they had become the best washing duo but in silence. After, Kogami still wasn't ready to sting his feelings in to words but was releavied to turn around and see Kuroko had disappeared in to the house to give him that little bit more time he needed to gather any of the wits of which had not left him to fend for himself. He explored the house and found Kuroko in what must have been his room, just having made his bed next to his. This didn't scare him or make him feel nervous but a little bit happy and yet shocked at how Kuroko was kind of just doing it but with an ever so cute blush that dusted his cheeks.

_Might as well try and do something to break this silence. I mean we're just creepily looking at eachother now. _"So, Kuroko" He began averting his gaze from his and looking at the floor slighly. "I've been thinking and I believe that I can requite your feelings but I just- I don't know how a two dude relationships works and I don't know if I am ready to try."

With that Kuroko had already gotten across the room without him knowing and pulled him in to a passionate kiss and this time he didn't care, falling in to it with him.

Kuroko decided to disapppear and get away from Kogami, leaving him to his own thoughts after their meal. He had more going around his head, he was sure. Most of it being happiness, at the chance that he might with someone he deeply admired and thought would throw him aside if he knew how he truly felt. In that he never realised he was making Kogami's bed right next to his and wished he hadn't. _I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea with this. I don't want him to jump to conclusions and think that I think I am already with him or something like that. I just wish I was more experienced in a relationships. _With that he walked in to the room slowly. Kind of gazing at him, making eye contanct and breaking it again.

Kogami suddenly started talking after a few minuets of silence and just randomly gazing at each other. "So, Kuroko" he got all chocked up at that moment but didn't let him see it. This was his moment of truth and he didn't know how he would react if he was rejected at this stage.

"I've been thinking and I believe that I can requite your feelings" his eyes widened and without a second thought started to move slowly to the giant. _I cannot believe it but he said it I know he said it. _

"I don't know how a two dude relationships works and I don't know if I am ready to try." He was already so close to him. _I guess we'll just have to try if you're so unsure_ he said happily to himself, grabbed him and drove him to a passionate kiss.

**. . . . .**

This time he started to kiss back, it was a weird and wonderful sensation all at the same time and before he knew it his hands were on the small athletes back pulling him in ever closer. His skin was soft as he briefly touched it when his shirt ruffled up a little. Silky and yet firm. Kuroko was pulling him closer as the kiss got deeper and they opened their mouths for each other tongues willingly.

_I have no idea what I am doing right now and it's not like I don't like it but –_ in that thought Kuroko let out a little gasp of pleasure that made Kogami feel a little more excited to make him feel that way. _Okay well, it's kind of like a girl, I guess. Nothing to it really, he seems to be enjoying himself and so am I nothing wrong here. _With that and each passing moment he just a little harder, bit by bit. He didn't want to force himself on to him though, he had no idea what he would do and no idea how Kuroko would react but he was getting that little bit too excited with each little ruffle of his shirt so he could feel his skin, with each little moan that escaped Kuroko and so he just-

**. . . . .**

Kuroko was way too excited for his own good, Kagami was actually contributing to the kiss now. This was to get him in to it but it's only be 10 seconds and he already seems to be getting more excited with each passing second. His hands were touching and exploring, it was too much for him to bare "Ah-." He supressed his little moan the best he could but it only drew Kagami closer to him. _What if he actually wants to go further than this? I've never done this and I am pretty sure hasn't but I just- Just can't stop myself. I am so sorry Kagami I don't want to lead you on but I don't want to disappoint you with my lack of knowledge and experience. _

A couple minuets went on and his moans were coming in louder and clearer now, little gasps escaping constantly and he just couldn't control himself. He was already hard and at this point didn't want Kagami to feel it or even know.

BAM- Was the sound of Kogami pinning him against the wall and pressing himself against him making him all the more anticipated for what couldn't happen. Then he was being picked up, light as a feather and brought to the bed. _I have no idea how he knows what to do but he can continue.  
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**. . . . .**

In his excitement everything happened so quickly, _I have no idea what I am doing but I might as well continue. _


	2. The little things

**HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY – McNya**

**. . . . . . .**

Kagami placed Kuroko on his bed with him right on top of him, never letting the kiss waver. It was too intense, pleasurable and he was far too cute. _That and if I do stop it I'll have to explain myself and no that is too embarrassing to even think about right now. _

His hand went up and down his slender features that were silky to touch for at least 3 more minutes but it felt like seconds. _Time flies when you're having fun?_ The more he touched the more frustrated he got and his handling was a little bit too rough for the much smaller boy. Not in a bad way though his little moans were becoming big ones but it was all anticipating _to_… nothing.

Kagami had to break this kiss and move away from Kuroko just sitting there, straight faced but both panting. He never showed any emotion but he knew he liked it as much as he did. He must have, he started the whole thing.

"I'm – uh – I'm really sorry" Kagami said hastily but just as he was about to quickly rush out the bright red Kuroko pulled him back by his sleeve.

"I know it's really weird but we both participated to that and even though I was prepared for you to reject me but you've lead me on now and I cannot ignore that." Kuroko sounded so calm and unwavering. Kagami didn't want to feel embarrassed but he did.

**. . . . . .**

Kuroko felt every touch that Kagami placed on him tenfold. Every time their tongues touched, every time his hand caressed his body or pressed against him. In such a short time he had been more turned on than Momoi-san had ever gotten him if not at all, despite being an attractive female which men gawk over. She lacked what Kagami had but he never knew what. Whatever it was it was enough to turn down a 'model' status female whom he'd gone to middle school with for a guy he knew little about and had only played Basketball with for a few weeks.

Kuroko opened his eyes for a few short seconds and saw how bright red Kagami was himself. Which made him even more confused, questions bubbled around his head. _Does he like this or is he taking pity? Why's he so embarrassed he must have had women before? Am I a test run?_

In the moments he thought his ecstasy ended. He panted along with him trying to regain his thought and get himself to stop thinking such, well, dirty and cringey things. _I've got to think of something to say he's clearly uncomfor-_

"I'm – uh – I'm really sorry" _For what? No, don't leave._

"I know it's really weird but we both participated from that and even though I was prepared for you to reject me but you've lead me on now and I cannot ignore that." _I didn't think that through I don't want to __blackmail him_.

"I know this is knew to you but it is to me too so if you say you don't want this then I am okay. I'll never mention it again" _Maybe blackmailing him for a little while isn't so bad… _

"I wouldn't say I don't like this, Kuroko, I just don't know what to do. I'm confused if anything. I like you a lot, and I mean that in a romantic way, I know that for sure now but what if we did get like this again, I cannot do anything. You're a guy, I wouldn't know what to do… Also, friends and family, what would they say? Our relationship has already changed. There's nothing we can do."

"I'm sorry." _Is that all I can muster? _

"For what?"

"Putting you through all this, if I had just kept my mouth shut and let it be I-"

From there Kagami just hugged him, tight. The best thing about taller people is that they're cuddles are the warmest and most satisfying. Like you're being protected. Kuroko could do nothing but cling to him for a little while. Kagami didn't say a word. He didn't even need to.

**. . . . . .**

The rest of the night happened in a blur. Real fluffy stuff which to Kogami's surprise he actually liked. He didn't read Shoujo manga or anything but all the 'cute, fluff' he'd seen in films he actually wanted to be a part of but this is a little different. He looked across at the softly sleeping Kuroko on the other bed. Just as delicate as he imagined. Also, pale, very pale. He was also slender but no one ever took note on how toned and defined his muscles really were so mistake him for being weak.

After the long embrace Kagami was a little reluctant to let go. Kuroko shuffled away from him slightly.

"I'm sorry, I don't know if I can hug you anymore knowing that we have all these obstacles to overcome and we'll most likely end up breaking up or falling out. That would be bad not only for me especially but for our team. With Hyuga-senpai working so hard and all the upperclassmen I don't think it'd be right"

"You're right." Kagami said coldly.

"It wouldn't be fair" he added. Kuroko lowered his head and when he did Kagami felt the urge to grab his chin and hold him to his own face causing a deep red for the both of their cheeks to take.

"However," he continued "I think from this point it would affect me too. After this I don't think I can see you as anything other than a romantic interest if you want me to put it bluntly. So, it wouldn't hurt **just** you but me and I can't have that any more than you can."

_If I want us to be together then I might as well. _

Kagami landed an ever so delicate kiss on Kuroko lips making his eyes widen. Kagami smiled lightly and stood up straight.

"If that doesn't prove it I don't know what will." He turned around quickly to hide his embarrassment.

"I'm hungry again, I'll make some snacks for us to eat."

**. . . . . .**

Kuroko turned round to find a particular red head he liked in the bed opposite reading his usual sport magazine that he ordered from America. No idea what it says, English was the worst subject he had and any mention of the language leads him to complete silence to become invisible. He watched him for a while. He knew he was so good at hiding his presence he would never notice but he looked towards him more often than not leading him to having to close his eyes. _Just a little bit longer, let me stare a little bit more_. He recalled last night for what Kagami really was, a giant softy who's obviously read one too many Shoujo manga. His heart pounded a little faster while he pressed in his lips together and the mere thought. _Oh that's, right, I pulled away from that amazing hug._

_I feel so happy in his arms but- _"I'm sorry, I don't know if I can hug you anymore knowing that we have all these obstacles to overcome and we'll most likely end up breaking up or falling out. That would be bad not only for me especially but for our team. With Hyuga-senpai working so hard and all the upperclassmen I don't think it'd be right"

_He can't be mine, he's got too much to lose if he was. _

"You're right." He was surprised Kagami was agreeing so, easily? He wanted a little bit of fight there. Like in movies where he protests to him and takes him off his feet declaring love. Not quite so dramatic of course but more if a fight nonetheless.

"It wouldn't be fair" _I knew it_. Kuroko sighed and lowed his head, he knew he'd cry and he'd barely ever done that in his life. In that moment Kagami took his eyes upon him forcefully to stare at him but lightly touching his chin. His eyes widened in a burst of admiration, he was so handsome? Most would say that but beautiful was more fitting to him. _I hope this isn't some sort of dream. _

"However," _what?_ If he had dogs ears they would prick up in hope.

"I think from this point it would affect me too. After this I don't think I can see you as anything other than a romantic interest if you want me to put it bluntly. So, it wouldn't hurt **just** you but me and I can't have that any more than you can." _I- I am his romantic interest above all? _If Kuroko was any other male he'd jump up in joy but he didn't. He would embrace him but he didn't. He was shocked if anything. In a way just buffering and processing the information. He didn't know what to say really.

Then as suddenly as he was thinking a light kiss came his way shaking his entire body in a chill of pleasure. Kagami stood up again. _I don't know what I did to deserve that but I should do it more often. _

"I'm hungry again, I'll make some snacks for us to eat." When he walked away a smile unlike Kuroko appeared, one big and as happy as he'd even believed himself. His words were not poetry he knew that, he said little and he knew that too but his emotions had to spill over at some point, he barely ever let people see him like that. He hoped he could show this happiness to Kagami, maybe to show him how happy he is?

"Okay" he responded late. Too much on his mind.

As he watched Kagami cook he had that sense of admiration again which in the spur of the moment lead him to do what got him in to the in the first place. Spinning Kagami round again he kissed him but he kissed back. Wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in. Compared to Kagami he had little strength but his body was just as anticipated and numb from their kiss as he was or at least enough to control him. Kagami tried to speak while Kuroko gets a little too carried away.

"Ku-Kuro-Kuroko t-the food." He pulled away to get his masterpiece off just in time and still roll out the rice.

"Sorry" Kuroko said quietly.

"I don't mind" Kagami said in surprise. He couldn't see him but Kuroko could sense a smile on his face making him fell 100 times happier and 200 times less likely to show it.

**. . . . . . **

The rest of the night for Kagami at least lead to a movie, food and being a bit intimate. They both decided they needed to take this slow and that any more than what they had done was a little too fast for two guys who believed themselves straight for most of their lives. So in the mist of hand holding to which was all Kuroko he smiled. When he even fell asleep in the middle of the movie he smiled again and again and again. He seemed to like this small person's antics. He didn't say much, that was true and no, he didn't show much emotion on his face but it was all in his actions. His leaning in to kiss, his taking Kogami's hand which is what Kagami loved.

_I think he does this because he knows his emotion are little and he's a man of even fewer words. I like it too much, I may even grow to love it. _


End file.
